This has been an interesting couple of weeks for me. And a theme seems to be reappearing in a lot of my conversations. It's like God is trying to specifically teach me something by letting the subject matter keep playing in my mind, in conversations, and in what I am reading and hearing.
This theme is IDENTITY.
I have been passionate about this subject for a long time now. And God keeps bringing me back to it. Where does my identity come from? Who am I? Why is it so difficult to live like I actually believe what God says about me?
And I see the struggle in people I love as well. Specifically I see myself and other girls finding their identity in a relationship (husband, boyfriend, best friend or children), clothing, their weight, their job or in what they've done in their past. Side note: I know guys struggle with identity too but since I am not a guy and I am most definitely a girl, I will speak from a girl's perspective.
I believe the main problem is that we, many times unknowingly, believe lies. Satan does not want us to believe who God says we are. I mean if we actually believed that God loved us unconditionally, that as believers we are righteous in His eyes, holy and blameless without fault, forgiven, beautiful, made as an image bearer etc. we would be a force to be reckoned with in terms of furthering the Kingdom. And Satan wants to stop that. He wants to make us think we are to find our identity in what we do or what we have or the company we keep. And so he feeds us lies and unfortunately we believe them. They are lies that come from comparison and discontent and a need to feel loved and appreciated. And when my identity isn't in Christ it creates this horrible cycle where I feel overwhelmed, lost, unloved, unappreciated, and discontent.
Here is where I try to find my identity:
I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a photographer. I am a singer. I am a teacher. I am a leader. I am a worship pastor's wife. I have a house. I drive an older 4 door silver accord. I am a blonde. And today, I am a kitten killer.
Other than that last one, which was very sad (although my husband said I did a service to the world) these are all good things. BUT my identity or purpose cannot be found in them. And here's why: ALL of these things can pass away.
My hard drive crashed this last week. I lost A LOT of photography work and pictures of Hudson. And it has been heartbreaking and so frustrating. I keep kicking myself, living in a state of regret, thinking why didn't I pause for a minute and back up all of those files. And as little as this is in the scheme of what people have to deal with it has been a huge reminder that nothing in this life is constant or forever. Nothing except for THE LORD!
If I place my identity in anything other than being IN CHRIST then it becomes idolatry. Do I care about being a photographer more than being IN CHRIST? Do I care about my son or my husband more than being IN CHRIST? And on a very personal note, do I care about pleasing people more than being IN CHRIST? If so, then I am an idolater. And to be honest, I confess that I am.
Right in the midst of working through all this, I had the wonderful opportunity to sit in on a Catalyst Conference session by Mark Driscoll. And guess what he spoke on? Identity. (God is so cool like that!) Here are a few things he said that resonated with me.
1. "If you know who you are, then you know what to do." If I know and
believe what God says about me the Godly actions will follow. When I
became a mom I figured out that when Hudson is crying it is my job to
make sure he is taken care of. I know I am his mom and so the actions
follow. If I know and truly believe that I am a loved and cherished daughter of the King then ideally I will act like one. (Thank God for grace, right?)
2. "We need an identity that is lifeproof." Life is going to throw some crazy stuff at us and if we know that our identity is found in Christ then we know that everything in this life is fading (even that little kitten I ran over with my car) and we know that this is not our final home. Instead of "living for today" we should live for eternity. Personally, I like the eternal living perspective much better. It makes it easier to not get caught up in the drama of life because you know it's fleeting. And although things may be frustrating/dramatic/scary in the moment, it is not forever.
3. "Our identity is not acheived, it's received." - Wow! That totally takes
the pressure off. God sees me (and you, if you are in Christ) as
righteous, holy. blameless, beautiful, forgiven, and so much more not
because of ANYTHING I have done but ONLY because of what JESUS has
already done! Why do you think Jesus said, "IT IS FINISHED"? Because it
IS finished! Praise the LORD!
I still don't have this fully figured out and I am thankful that God loves me enough to not expect me to be perfect at this just because He is teaching it to me now. He is very gracious. If you need to read more about who you are check out Ephesians. It is FULL of statements about who God says we are. Also, you can check out Connection Point Church in Plano, TX. The next sermon series is called "I know You are, but who am I?" It's gonna be good!
And so this is my prayer:
Lord, please help me to see myself like You see me. Help me to identify when I am believing a lie instead of Your Truth about me. Give me the wisdom and grace to teach this to my son. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of Your family and for loving me unconditionally. I am blown away by it! Please help the people that I love to believe what you say about them too. God you are SO good! Thank you, thank you, thank you! In Jesus' Name, Amen
** And just to clarify, I accidentally ran over a kitten with my car. By no means, did I purposefully kill the kitten. And it was very sad.
** If you are a photography client of mine I have already contacted those that I need to rebook sessions with. If you haven't heard from me then you are good.
